Why am i acting this way

Well, I think i have too much time on my hands.

That must explain it, i am defying all that i have learned...about positive thinking.  I am such a blessed person in every way and i am having some negative thoughts and wanting to cling...yuck!

Clinging to something that may or may not be what i think...super yuck!

Here is this guy i met and I will give it he opened my heart in ways i never thought possible and I really feel like i fell in love...well great I am very grateful for that experience since before that for 7 years i've been num...num....  so thank you A for making me see the light.  Now nothing happened ...ok but falling in love had nothing to do with the person but the feeling he was able to eginite and also i am drawn to men who have fame authority, he fit my list!  Great....

Now its time to manifest other great people ...my underslying belief is that no one else i like exisits....-- no this world is full of great experiences and people and i am attracting all these wonderful men into my life.  I am now attracting a lot of wonderful men into my life who i would love to marry and spend the rest of my life with and be proud to call him my husband and we have a rocking intimate relationship Now.  We love each other always now.

I am here to Serve!

Successful people do what unsuccessful people dont

So after observing my yoga teacher i realize that although he was raised in a certain environment.  He actually applies all the principles we discuss in laws of attraction and other things.  So as i watch his sadhna and then his use of words and behaviors i now see what they mean by living in it....being it!

No looking at the past each day is an opportunity to start fresh
Being very positive with people and things
setting clear intentions
having a very solid sadhana which i love
Seeing everything the way it is....i tend to read into things and i can but that will not work here

I might not be getting anywhere...Sadhana

Question: After years of doing sadhana, I still feel I might not be getting anywhere. What to do?

Sadhguru: It doesn’t matter how many years of sadhana you do, you will not get anywhere. Not that you might not, you will not. Because the idea of doing sadhana is not to go somewhere. The idea of doing sadhana is to come to a state where you can simply be here – to understand and know that what is here is everywhere, what is not here is nowhere. Getting beyond the need to go somewhere, that is sadhana, because in fact, there is nowhere to go. There is only here, and there is only now. The rest is all in your head. Sadhana is to bring you to a state where at least for some period of time in the day, just sitting is good enough. If you live, you are here and now, if you die, you are still here and now. You cannot go anywhere. There is nowhere to go.

Sadhana is a device

Sadhana is a device. It is a method to bring you to a certain level of maturity where the need to go somewhere is gone. That is why people who are steeped in sadhana are not moving anywhere. If you travel around the world, you will still not know whether the world is round or flat, forget about knowing the intricacies of life. But if you are truly here, everything that is worth knowing is right here, because you cannot perceive anything on the outside. It doesn’t matter if you sit here or in the Himalayas or Africa or the United States or South Pole or North Pole. Maybe certain atmospheres are supportive, certain atmospheres are not supportive, that is a different thing – but essentially, you can only experience what happens within you.

Sadhana is that blessed process through which you realize this, that there is nowhere to go. When the need to go stops, your sadhana is successful. Then you just sit.

So, wherever you go, only this is there. You know, these mountains here are called Velliangiri. That means “White Mountain.” You can make them the Himalayas – that is what it means. We also call them “Kailash of the South.” If you sit here long enough or involved enough, they will become the Kailash; you don’t need to make the journey. You can only experience what happens within you. You cannot experience what happens in the mountain, you cannot experience what happens in the sky, you cannot experience what happens anywhere.

You can sit here, look at someone, and experience love. You can close your eyes, just think about someone, and experience love, isn’t it? You can either stimulate it from outside or simulate it from inside, both are possible. Either you are on “push-start” or “self-start.” Either you are a current machine or a past machine. You look at the moon, you look at theearth, you close your eyes, you open your eyes – still what is happening within you is all that is happening to you – nothing more, nothing less.

Sadhana is to bring yourself to that level of maturity to simply see, it does not matter what you do, it does not matter whether you climb a peak or sit in the valley, it does not matter if you are successful or not in the world, it does not matter if you are well-known or not, it does not matter if you are eating whatever you dream of or not, it is just the way you experience it. This is not a trap, that is the beauty of life. There is really nowhere to go. You can sit here and be blissful, ecstatic; you can sit here and be miserable. You have a whole range of choice. You can sit here and think, “This is the most blessed moment in my life.” You can sit here and think, “This is the most torturous moment in my life.” Life has not put any bondage upon you. Bondage is all your making. Existence has left you free, absolutely free. You can sit here and that’s it. Nothing needs to happen, and yet you can go through life in a most wondrous way because of what you do within yourself. Or you can go all over the place and do all kinds of things, and still go through life in an utterly miserable way. Both are your making.

Getting rid of the itch

Sadhana is that blessed process through which you realize this, that there is nowhere to go. When the need to go stops, your sadhana is successful. Then you just sit. Sitting need not necessarily mean you are physically sitting in one place. It is just that the itch to go into this and that is gone. If you sit, you are fine, if you run, you are fine, if you fly, you are fine, if you walk also you are fine. Wherever you are, you are just fine. Once the itch is gone, you are at ease. Once you are at ease, you don’t have to do anything. Just a little bit of waiting, that’s all. Only if you are in love, you can wait, because when you are in love with somebody, you are feeling emotionally pleasant. Love creates a lot of mental anxiety because that is your idea of concern. So your mind is getting unpleasant, but your emotion is pleasant – and still it is worthwhile.

If you are irritated, agitated, frustrated or angry, you cannot wait because you are unpleasant. Depending upon the type of karmic substance you carry and the kind of active and dynamic help that you get from outside, the period of waiting may alter. It may be a few moments, a few years… just sitting and waiting. When your insides are pleasant, waiting for a few years is not a big deal. You just wait.

Transformation - Live in Service - New vocubulary

This is my personal invitation to transform....

Not getting caught up in our words...I love to write and am a Writer

I am now a paid Inspirational Speaker and speak professionally all over the World and get paid very well to do it!

I love to teach Yoga and inspire people...

I am a Yogi...

We use a lot of words thru-out the day but watch which words we want to identify with and we also deny ourselves the reality of who we are

I have wanted a total transformation for so long and now i'm just not going to deny myself that in any way.  Granted i woke up today at 7ish instead of the planned 530am.

Wow what a day - I was asked by A to drop him off and once again it was so reveling and disappointing.  I'm just so thankful that my life shows me so many answers as things come up.

Pick something and just do it!

All things possible what would i want to do with my life?  well i don't know  Oprah is the only person i idealize.

Ok so the reality is that I do think that Sadhguru is evolved and the things he's done for me and people are beyond A since A is good but he is short with people and just into the white chicks and feels very much about himself and his evaluation of people is not that good.  I guess it did get competitive and i did come across as an equal and not a follower.  But i actually don't want to be a follower for anybody i just want to be my own equal.  Things that i want will open up for me I dont have to do anything that is the type of evolution i desire to have...So i dont have to go about doing things that dont feel comfortable just be me.  well this is the truth and since it shows he gets upset because i come across as his equal and not as his follower but i dont want to be his follower i am actually very good at speaking and motivating people and just want to do it!  I want to be in a relationship as an equal and not as a follower it will now work for me.  But looking for ways in which we are similar to prove to myself that i'm like him is a waste the thing is i'm not like him.  i'm not like anyone as my Grandfather told me.  I just want to be the best me possible.  so what if people see that ...
that is why i dont like feeling like a groopie as i felt when i was driving over or the last time i saw him.  i just to be fun and be in a relationship of equals.

So Nat is right i do go around and do stuff but i just want to be me and then whatever happens happens.

I just like to have fun...FUN and am a genuine fun person who is great at motivating and inspiring people.

Actually I have no agenda I just want to wake up to be the best me possible...

True Love...

"The real purpose of a relationship is about two people coming together to serve the growth and evolution of each other's soul."   Kute Blackson

So the deepest love resides within us, most all things NO seeking Just become Love!  Become it!

I have always wondered how to become IT!  Well the best way is by doing, so in the case of love and the longing to connect with another soul, how does one become?  well that is easy the deepest love resides within....I love and appreciate myself just as i am....I love and appreciate myself just as i am

So i have this longing to help millions of people with all that i do and yes it does root from being famous but the I also come from sharing my own personal transofmration with others.  so as i go thru this both for love and work i would like to share it woth the who world.

As I woke up with all these photos of A in my mind.  I guess i have reached a stage of Attachment and its not my heart and not my head but a combination that wants to keep obsession on this.   Well i have all the answers i need and after the third time i just want to move past this and just let go.

Daily Thought
I am so tired about writing or thinking about this.  I have such an obsession with A and not only that but i keep trying to call him Sabeer.  Its because i think i'm getting something that is missing in my life and the more i obess the more likely i am to get it.  So why the obession weill he is ery hard to talk to but he has presence and is successful and famous so for me that is wha tit boils donet to that was the thign with sabeer he was rich and famous and i could so feel that he would be a part of my life.  I think its because i feel that i may not make it without him.  Its not that we have had some great times together because we barely communicate so what is the need for all of this stuff....so the bigger question is how to move past all of this.  

LOVE is a Quality!  It has nothing to do with someone else...love is an inner state...how you are within yourself has to be unconditional...if you look at everything with lovingly the whole world becomes beautiful in your experience.  LOVE IS THE WAY YOU ARE....

My Guru say we FALL in love and that is very true for me!  I this past year fell in love and to me it felt great but love for me has become about getting something that is missing in my life.  The men i love are all over achiever and yes i am definitely an overachiever but the thing is love has become about being with these guys who yes i'm proud to be with but some how i feel like i am lacking something in myself.   it feels so good to connect with the God within.  I am just disappointed again with A guy who i feel in love with this year he seems amazing and yes i may have glorified it again but it is the feeling i get when im around him that i crave the feeling of adoration for me I love that.  but the thing is that he has all these women around and i dont even care about that but he has not called or tried to get in touch with me in any way.  

LOVE is the way I am within myself....remember that!  So i feel that this pattern has continued for a long time and i feel frustrated and this guy is young.  So i maybe in awe of how successful he is based on where he lives and how much he has achieved in a short period of time.  But i felt something and he did not return those feeling so i'm sad but I am proud of my ability to just love someone without thinking of anything else and that felt good.  This whole mind game of if he was into me he would have called, yes that is true if a guy wants to be with you he will find a way!  So dont kid yourself but also dont shut yourself off, there is just a sincere and purely loving girl that lives within me and she doesnt want to get hurt but dont clam up this is a lesson to teach me about unconditional love for myself.  Dont hide little girl your prince charming is here NOW.

Wanting a guy who has the success that i want is the biggest mistake then i act like a lab rat trying to please him...awful feeling.

I NOW LOVE MYSELF Truly and Deeply Always...I AM LOVE.  it is the way i am with God, my Guru and also the people i actually interact with for no reason.

******LOVE 9/9

I am so at ease with my life right now not sure what to say but i do have the ongoing story playing in my head about A and its annoying to me because 4 months of his visit to US is over and like Pat said from a relationship standpoint nothing came of it.  I just want to release it and if its meant to be it will happen but the other thing is I want something beautiful to happen now!!! and I know it will ...i see it so clearly...

My birthday Bucket List

On turning 46....

This is my Bucket list is short

1) I am now in a intimate, loving, committed relationship where we both experience joy, love, attraction, intimacy, abundance together and share our life together in true loving companionship and committed marriage.  Wow, I now experience actually living with my husband and sharing our life and passion and love together with ease abundance with attraction fun and laughter and joy always...

2)True Abundance in Work where i feel like i am truly experiencing my life's calling by God and sharing my unique gifts with the World.  I now make great money doing what naturally feels like my unique gift and serve people all over the World.  Live to Serve in Abundance and Passion that is me....

3)I am now writing a book and interviewing Sadhguru this fall 2014 and also do a Video with him

• I am now interviewing celebrities and successful people all over the World on Television
• I now am an Inspiring Public Speaker and speak all over the World and share my wisdom while getting paid for it!
• I now teach YOGA all over the World and share my passion for transformation it provides...
• Health and Wellbeing - I now experience my body is a loving and healthy way
• Wonderful Home - I am now living in a nice place that feels like my home with my husband, experiencing true companionship, love and friendship and intimacy...

 I now Love myself more than life itself and cherish the gift that God has given me 

Live like a Mirror

Whether you work in a creative industry, or you express your artistic and innovative side in your free time, you rely on your mind for inspiration and  new ideas. When your mind is working for you, it can be a powerful instrument for creativity and expression. However, many people find their creative process often hampered by stress, muddled thoughts and inability to focus.

Fortunately, spending just a few minutes a day in meditation can make all the difference for you, allowing you to use your mind more effectively to perceive clearly and create the things you want. Though a daily meditation practice enriches your life in so many ways beyond just the level of your mind, these “side benefits” of meditation are sure to surprise you and may help you unlock creativity and potential you didn’t know you had!

Read below as Sadhguru explains what meditation can do for your creativity:

MentalClarity

Sadhguru: “If creativity has to happen, we have to develop a certain level of un-distortedness in the mind. If you carry the baggage of life with you all the time, you cannot see anything the way it is. In yoga, we always describe the mind as a mirror. A mirror is useful to you only if it is clean and plain. If it is undulating or has accumulated something, it does not show you things as they are. The nature of a mirror is such that if you stand before it, it carries you in full glory. If you leave, the mirror leaves you 100%. It will not retain even a little residue of who you are. The next person who comes and stands in front of the mirror is also reflected in full glory. If a million people look at themselves in a mirror, they will not leave an iota of their quality in the mirror.

If you can keep your mind in such a way that the exposure to life does not leave any residue on your mind, then you see things just the way they are. Then there is room to innovate and create every aspect of your life. If you are just receptive to life, if you become a reflection of life rather than becoming a mind and a jumble of thoughts, this is what is generally considered as creativity.”

Neurocognitive tests performed on practitioners of Shambhavi Mahamudra kriya, a meditative practice learned in Isha Foundation’s Inner Engineering program, demonstrated increased performances in attention-oriented tasks, while EEG studies on meditators showed higher levels of coherence between the right and left hemispheres of the brain, leading to greatly enhanced mental capabilities:  better learning ability, increased creativity, heightened mental clarity and sharper intellect.

Focus

Sadhguru: “Don’t be anxious to be focused. Learn to relax into life. If you develop a love for what you are doing, you will see that you will naturally grasp everything that you need to grasp. Rather than trying to concentrate on your study or work, if you see the usefulness of what you are doing, if you enjoy what you are doing, you will see that grasping things will come naturally to you. Everybody has the capability.”

A neurophysiological study using EEG revealed a substantial increase in delta and theta brain waves and markedly reduced beta and alpha brain waves when measured after 21 minutes of the practice of Shambhavi Maha Mudra. Increase in delta and theta waves are associated with deep relaxation and higher levels of mental focus, while reduced beta waves are associated with reduced mental tension and anxiety. Reduced alpha waves in conjunction with increased theta and delta waves are associated with conscious awareness of the subconscious mind. Taken together, these results support a drop in stress and anxiety, a boost in mental alertness and focus, and an increase in self-awareness.

Intuition

Sadhguru: “When you were first learning to drive a car, you turned on the ignition, then pressed the clutch, then the first gear, and you slowly released the clutch, but the damn thing would just jump and stop no matter how many times you tried. But now you have been driving for ten years, and you could be talking on your cell phone and still everything happens right. And even today after ten years of driving, if you sit in the car and think, “What should I do properly? First, ignition, then clutch, then first gear, then clutch…” again you won’t know how to drive.

If you go intellectually, for every little thing that you do there are ten steps. Instead of going through these ten steps from one to ten, if you jump, that is what is intuition. But intuition is not a different dimension of perception, it is just a different dimension of computing. You are computing it faster, but still it is the same information. If your brain becomes more intuitive, you can use what you know better. To move from a “dumb” phone to a smart phone and from a smart phone to an iPad, we did not discover anything new. We are just learning to use it better. It is the same thing with your brain when you are intuitive.”

Night before my Birthday!

So how to make this spectacular - Birthday!

The thing to celebrate it my new Body, I now feel and look like a Yogi!

So many new lessons have been learned this year...and yet it feels like not much on the outside has changed.

I feel and look wonderful and feel like my true Yogi self.  I also this year celebrate the fact that I feel in Love and it was wonderful feeling but since it was not mutual I will say that I feel in deep love and say a lot of beauty radiate within myself although it was brought on by a Guy.  It is my birthday wish that I can now graduate and now experience mutual LOVE so not just being physical but deep caring, emotion, intimacy and connection and friendship and attraction, passion, and commitment all of these things together in one terrific guy who I am proud to be with and we come together for the highest good of both of us.  

So i guess i used another person to stimulate the feeling of love, This year i want to be on a self-start mechanism. What that means is that my deepest commitment is to love myself!  Love yourself like your life depends on it because the quality of your life certainly does.

So i'm excited that I now started my own business - Be Corporate Yogi.
i have talked about it for a long time and it feels good, this is what i want to embody and teach and where my passion lies.  Its a relief to be able to say this...i have always wanted to teach business people about yoga so that is what this is...

Also as I start this year i feel so good about the meditation i have created in my life ahhhh all this clarity i love it but it has to manifest in a beautiful way where i can create a life that i am very proud to live and share with others.  I want to share my love for spirituality with the world and say this is me and i love it that includes making money in a positive way.  

love and Attachment - Sadhguru

There is something called "love," and there is something called "attachment." What people call "love" is just a way of binding themselves to somebody, getting identified with somebody, but this is not love -- this is attachment. We always mistake attachment for love, but attachment has nothing to do with love. In fact, hate has something to do with love. Look at whom you hate. Do you hate the person who is just walking by on the street? No... you loved someone and one day the coin fell the other way and suddenly became hate. So, if the coin falls one way, it is love; if it turns around and falls the other way, it becomes hate.

Love and hate have something to do with each other, but love and attachment have nothing to do with each other. If we use an analogy, love is like a flower. Once a flower enters your life, it is a lot of trouble because it needs to be cared for, it needs to be nurtured, and it needs constant attention. If you hold a flower, you must be very conscious about how you move your hands. If you have flowers in your house, you have to look after them 10 times a day. They are a lot of trouble, but they are life. Attachment is like a plastic flower. Suppose you have plastic flowers in your home, if you do not look after them for months, there is no problem. They are guaranteed for years. You can even make plastic flowers more beautiful than real flowers, you can spray them with fragrances, you can use them in many different ways, and above all, there is a guarantee they will last.

Love is not like that; there is no guarantee. Tomorrow morning it may just disappear like mist. There is no usefulness to love; it is not even convenient. It is a lot of trouble, but it is life. That is the choice one has to make -- do you choose life or something that looks like life? Right now, most people are choosing what looks like life because they are not going through life, they are just going through thoughts -- 90 percent of the time, people are only thinking about life. Thought may be about life, but it is never life. Life is something that you can perceive and experience; thought is just your own stuff.

So attachment is like a plastic flower; it is very convenient, but once attachment enters your life, anxiety comes. If anxiety comes, the next step is fear. If fear comes, the next step is madness. For example, let us say your child went to school and was supposed to come home at 5 p.m. At 6 p.m., he has not returned, so there is anxiety. At 7 p.m., he has not arrived, now there is fear. If he does not arrive by 8:00, madness will overtake you. You do not suddenly go mad, but the situation has accelerated the process because the moment you step into attachment, you are on the way to madness. It becomes a natural progression of life that you will invariably get there. And this madness will cause enormous suffering. 

Love is not a suffering. If you have love for someone or something, when they are with you, you can enjoy their presence, and when they are not with you, you can enjoy their absence. What you are doing in the name of love is just longing to become one with somebody. This longing is not just to become one with one person; you want to become one with the whole existence. You want to become unbounded. Can you become physically one with someone? It looks like oneness for a moment, but the next moment you fall apart. So if you want oneness you must seek something beyond the physical.

That is the idea of meditation: to break the boundaries of the physical. When you break the bondages and the boundaries of the physical, the body may vibrate, tears may come. The ecstasy of union is transforming and fulfilling beyond anything one may know.

Isha Yoga programs are based on tested, scientific principles. They offer tools for optimal health, emotional well-being and professional excellence. To participate, visit: www.InnerEngineering.com

Getting in touch

Yoga is not just for fitness but a calling to our higher self, the inner wisdom that lies within us.

In doing my own job search I felt very uneasy because it just seems like there is nothing really that i want to work on even with my yoga teaching although i love it!  it just doesn't feel like it completes me!

My meditation this morning was beautiful, I was able to see so much clarity around - why things dont really move forward for me work wise.  the answer is that i am here with a goal of feeling good and having a vibrant body but the reality is that i am not using my creativity for creation.  The only day i do this is when i'm teaching yoga. when am i truly creative?  not at all yet...

Being a creative expression of yourself!