Aha moment---holding myself back

Just yesterday i was speaking with my friend about feeling like i dont have energy==>
Been going on for few days but over the last 3 years i have developed this practice of rewarding myself in the afternoon with an ice cream shake with coffee, this thing has really helped me get the energy i need to carry on the rest of my day! But it is not only caffeine but also has sugar and causes a lot of bloating in my stomach and swelling of my lymph nodes.

The reality is that i feel that i have given up a lot that doesn't serve me like ==> No alcohol, no meat, not much socializing most of the things that i used to enjoy before but dont do now...

But the problem is that i dont feel like i have fun anymore, i do love to laugh but i guess my fun was from food because i have not dated anyone in years!  so having ice cream is not only childlike, helps me connect with the little girl in me but also feels like enjoyment.

But as my friend pointed out, i do yoga and meditation because i love it and i have a very deep sense of devotion in me so now this has become about dishonoring my body because for me to be exhausted like this is not fare to my body and it just doesnt help anyone.

Why do i want to hold onto this so i can not feel good about myself??????
because i am bored and not happy with showing up in the world as not a complete being..i am ready to move forward...

Being with Parents

As i spend time with my parents I realize that both of them have had some real scares in terms of health==>  its hard for me to see this since i feel some of it can be avoided but the thing is at this age who knows.  But the frustrating thing after seeing my Mom's situation is that she has not changed anything around her but expects everything around her to change when something else happens.

I have lived my life this way all of my life as well, when something on the external changes, then i will change.  If that then this==>but the reality is that i have also livied this way and well have i made a lot of changes yes and now i feel that i am still ready to jump into living my life to the fullest.

So i see the adamance